How easy is it to forgive?

When the feeling of anger and aggravation starts becoming a constant so much so that it becomes a part of you, you do ask to find the way out. The way out is to forgive and forget. But isnt it simply the hardest thing to do? I as usual tried to Google my problems away. Answer was something which I am pondering on: forgiveness is what one needs for self peace and not for the concerned person. It is the only way to move on.  Also it doesn't really mean you are now ok with whatever happened but you have accepted it happened and can live with it. Well can you actually live with it? Isnt it simply the hardest thing to do? Some things hurt and they keep hurting you for long. I envy people who really can digest crap and move on. I dont want to, but at the expense of what? Is it worth it? Maybe not! Keep thinking.

And then we witnessed the northern lights

Isn't like Arctic and Northern Lights lately in everyones checklist? Or wasn't it like always? It was very spontaneous, that we found a trip which covered most part of our to dos. The price of around 600 odd euros per person seemed just kinda impossible to be true.. Never had we been to such trips organised in big groups but this somehow felt right. Oh boy weren't we in for a beautiful surprise! Little did we know this trip will truly become an unforgettable lifetime memory.

Once we landed in Stockholm and spent a day there it just felt like any other european capital city.  Just that the beers were really expensive. We started with a total bunch of strangers on a long overnight bus journey. At the light of dawn, or even before the frame started turning white and white and lots more of it. We all have school memories of describing our version of the artic region and I found myself placing these against the reality in front of me. But the charm and what one feels there is just something which I can't put to words. It a whole new world totally of it own up north and every frame is just like a wallpaper.

The next few days we had a packed iternary with the typical day time activities like dog sledging, snow mobiles etc which I initially honestly thought was just to pass the morning hours. But each activity bought us closer to the region and help understand the world there. It just made me realise that artic is just not only the lights and I stand myself corrected.

I still remember procrastinating scenarios for our chances of experiencing the lights. And the first night we saw none.. The anxiety was now even more since we had now only three more chances. The big frozen lake at the camp site outside kiruna offered the feeling of being alone in the open wilderness. The only company were the  unlimited Stars. I remember sitting in the kitchen as i heard northern lights.. northern lights.. it was our caretaker at the Inn informing us.. The three nights that followed were just sparkling memories . The green pictures  which you see are static but the lights aren't. They can move faster than ur head can and also move in shapes which u cant follow. The last night in Abisko with -27degress, very vividly visible since my eyelids were frozen with ice. It didn't really matter because we saw the lights dance in various colours, speed and patterns.  The spirals , the console lights, the speed rays and so much more. I am eternally grateful to have witnessed this truly magnificent natures blessing.

Aurora Borealis truly amazing !!!

You maybe sick

 How do you handle or address pain? Mental pain? What do you do when something unacceptable happens? Do you always let it go since that is the only way out? Is the only way out the right way how do you know. I feel strangled and in pain. A very deep deep pain. It hurts bad and I feel I can't breathe. Do I want to breathe - yes because that is what I Owe to my parents. Maybe if I hav to breathe then I need to find a way to. This is not the correct one.  I need help seriously help.

The unforgettable bumpy ride

Smiles and pure happiness is what the memories of those blessed 9 months bring to me. I never thought that I will enjoy and cherish my pregnancy and child birth so much that only for this phase I will want another one. 

The small tummy twirls to the excitement of new life and the feeling of self less love which I never experienced before. The panic attacks and the feeling of total strenght and by the end all was a walk in the clouds. I am truly blessed to have such a perfect pregnancy as I know this was kinda unreal. I always wished to keep my baby in me till like ever but she had other plans. 

2013, too soon oder???

Now that I am using my tongue differently and English seems a distant old friend its surely gonna be a task to pen this up. Year 2013 eeeu sound so sick I think the number 13 doesnt really go well in my books and this year well???? Somehow when you grow up life does have new plans plotted.

Now since almost 6+years to this life has changed and also not at the same time. The heart and the feelings are the same but yes the scented candles are slowly being replaced with medicines on my Nachtkonsole.. So much around has happened but I still find myself at the same place. I can relate however a lot to my parents and their struggle. Life does turn full circles. I don't think anything written here will make sense and it should not even. Prost to this part of life.

Update on my travel list!

I am back here after 2 years and since I had an awesome 2018, I definitely should pin it down to my memory. Since I got a job in 2016 and eventually more money I did spend it on my favorite activity.

The Netherlands: the land with grey sky and feel. 
Amsterdam, Harlem, Lisse, Enschede, Renesse, Nijmegen and Giethoorn: Tulips and the color around, windmills, dutch pancakes, space cake, red light district, beach shack, and the fairy tale houses

Belgium: the land of beer, which I never believed till I tried some.
Dinant, Brussels, Antwerp, Bruges, Ghent and Namur: Beers and more beers, waffles, yucky chocolate, Atomium, Delirium, Saxophon, Breweries and Grand Centum

France: terrible traffic.
Paris : this list needs an update and hopefully soon. River cruise, sparkling eifel, macroons, sweets, Versailles

Luxembourg; too small to mention
Just an old town


Dubai, UAE: concrete jungle
Khalifa, sharks, the dessert safari and monsters trucks


Swiss again: Alps are always breathtaking
Interlaken, Blausee, Grindelwald, Lauterbrunnen, Engelberg: Chocolate Fondue, hike at harder klum, parents, Indian food buffet

Malta: is meer
Comino, Gozo, Valetta: hot, turquoise, yellow, jellyfish, cocktails and barren

Denmark: monarch, castles and royal feel
Copenhagen, Fredericksberg, Kronberg: Tivoli, castles and sea breeze, nyhavn colors, umbrella saga

USA: finally another continent
NYC, Washington, Miami, Florida Keys, Key West, Atlantic City, Niagara: food and indiannees, amazing Florida Sky, Miami Lights, Florida Storm, Cuban feel, Manhattan and its pride, WTC, cold Niagra region, gambling, fresh change

Germany:
Externstein, Bremen, Cuxhaven, North Sea, Schwetzingen, Burg Eltz, Bingen, Münster

This forgetfulness will not help me unless everything is notes
20 countries and counting

Travel

Being born in an Indian middle class family, I too dreamt going places and discovering the world. Its weird that every astrologer spoke about the fact that I shall be flying abroad more than often. I always wanted to make a To Travel list, however that gets only more and more complicated. So I decided to list down the places I did visit. 

• GREECE:Athens, Santorini, Heraklion, Chania
• CZECK REPUBLIC: Prague
• GERMANY: Berlin, Munich, Cologne, Frankfurt, Black forest, Dusseldorf
• AUSTRIA: Salzburg, Innsbruck, Vienna
•  ITALY: Rome, Pisa, Venice, Florence, Naples, Capri
• SWITZERLAND: Zurich, Interlaken, Schaffhausen
• HUNGARY: Budapest
• SPAIN: Barcelona, Granada, Seville, Madrid
• PORTUGAL: Lisbon
• FRANCE: Strasbourg
• CROATIA: Rovinj, Split, Bol, Dubrovinik, Plitvice
• SLOVENIA: Ljubljana

This is more or less Europe, I still have the rest of the world left.
Middle East: Jordan
Africa: Tanzania, South Africa, Egypt
South America: Brazil, Chile, Argentina, Peru
Caribbean Islands
USA: NYC, Las Vegas
Scandinavia: Sweden, Denmark and Northern Lights
Australia
Asia: Vietnam, Burma
EU: Paris, Amsterdam & Belgium