My kid and her dreams of Eis Laden

I am so surprised that this blogging service still works. Which reminds me to maybe make a backup. 

Tonight at bed time my 5 year old spoke to me about how serious she is to open up an ice cream place. The kid first said I will work at the ice cream place nearest to our home.. I said why not open one of your own.

So her argument - but u live here at home, how do I open. Will you move out? 

I said how would people know u sell ice cream in your apartment. Kid said lets make a wood board with pretty ice carving and place it in front of our building,  everyone will know.

I said ok she thinks about marketing already. 

I told her ask around for capital investment and u can run it. She said ok i will ask you for all the money.

I said we need a place you see, so she said Mamma please can you ask the nearby bakery if they will move out for my ice cream place. 

I said no we rent a new place. Her words-  oh but i dont want to be far away from you. Kid assumed you would stay at the ice cream shop. So when I told her she can sleep at home, she somehow wasnt really convinced. 

She even said u can stay with me even when you are a grandmother. So I said oh so after you have kids. She said no I dont want kids because you need to get married and i dont like weddings. 

Man what a bed time conversation this one was.

I love you to moon, planets, sun and back my baby girl.

Crossing 30 Countries

Since the world changed in 2020, the chance to experience a new country has become a distant dream. But you live for the dreams dont you?

I have been thinking did I cross 20 and how close am I to my target of 50? I think 50 is too less right 

Let's see

1. India 🇮🇳 

2. Germany 🇩🇪 

3. Greece 🇬🇷 

4. Czech Republic 🇨🇿 

5. Italy 🇮🇹 

6. Switzerland 🇨🇭 

7. Spain 🇪🇸 

8. Portugal 🇵🇹 

9. Croatia 🇭🇷 

10. Slovenia 🇸🇮 

11. Austria 🇦🇹 

12. Hungary 🇭🇺 

13. Netherlands 🇳🇱 

14. Belgium 🇧🇪 

15. France 🇫🇷 

16. Luxembourg 🇱🇺 

17. Denmark 🇩🇰 

18. Sweden 🇸🇪 

19. Finland 🇫🇮 

20. Norway 🇳🇴 

21. USA 🇺🇸 

22. Malta 🇲🇹 

23.  UAE 🇦🇪 

24. Vatican 🇻🇦 

25. Lichtenstein 🇱🇮

26. Turkey 🇹🇷

27. Mexico 🇲🇽

28. England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

29. Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

30. Egypt 🇪🇬

31. Thailand 🇨🇷

32. Peru 🇵🇪

33. Bolivia 🇧🇴

34. Romania 🇷🇴

35. China 🇨🇳

36. Japan🇯🇵

37. Cyprus  🇨🇾

38. Poland 🇮🇩

39. Bosnia and Herzegovina🇧🇦

40. Iceland 🇮🇸

41. Maldives🇲🇻

42. Australia🇦🇺

43. New Zealand🇳🇿

44. Singapore 🇸🇬

I do need to update something so will be back soon 

Bucket list with my notes 

- Chile - nov to march

- Morocco 7D

- Tanzania June to oct

- South Africa 

- Seychelles 

- Jordan 

- Norway 

- Scotland 3D

- Ireland 2D

- Canada

- Equador

- Kenia - aug to oct masai mara

- Albania 6D

- Argentina

- Tunisia 7D

- Brazil

- Cuba 8D Nov to apr

- Costa Rica 10D

- Carribic Cruise from PR/ Dom republic 

- Antarctica

- Turkey _ Istanbul cappadocia - 5D

- Oman

26. Montenegro - 5 days

27. Bhutan 7D

28. Georgia 

29. Madeira 

Random places 

Dolomites 5 days

Lake bled

Lofoten

Faroe Islands

How easy is it to forgive?

When the feeling of anger and aggravation starts becoming a constant so much so that it becomes a part of you, you do ask to find the way out. The way out is to forgive and forget. But isnt it simply the hardest thing to do? I as usual tried to Google my problems away. Answer was something which I am pondering on: forgiveness is what one needs for self peace and not for the concerned person. It is the only way to move on.  Also it doesn't really mean you are now ok with whatever happened but you have accepted it happened and can live with it. Well can you actually live with it? Isnt it simply the hardest thing to do? Some things hurt and they keep hurting you for long. I envy people who really can digest crap and move on. I dont want to, but at the expense of what? Is it worth it? Maybe not! Keep thinking.

And then we witnessed the northern lights

Isn't like Arctic and Northern Lights lately in everyones checklist? Or wasn't it like always? It was very spontaneous, that we found a trip which covered most part of our to dos. The price of around 600 odd euros per person seemed just kinda impossible to be true.. Never had we been to such trips organised in big groups but this somehow felt right. Oh boy weren't we in for a beautiful surprise! Little did we know this trip will truly become an unforgettable lifetime memory.

Once we landed in Stockholm and spent a day there it just felt like any other european capital city.  Just that the beers were really expensive. We started with a total bunch of strangers on a long overnight bus journey. At the light of dawn, or even before the frame started turning white and white and lots more of it. We all have school memories of describing our version of the artic region and I found myself placing these against the reality in front of me. But the charm and what one feels there is just something which I can't put to words. It a whole new world totally of it own up north and every frame is just like a wallpaper.

The next few days we had a packed iternary with the typical day time activities like dog sledging, snow mobiles etc which I initially honestly thought was just to pass the morning hours. But each activity bought us closer to the region and help understand the world there. It just made me realise that artic is just not only the lights and I stand myself corrected.

I still remember procrastinating scenarios for our chances of experiencing the lights. And the first night we saw none.. The anxiety was now even more since we had now only three more chances. The big frozen lake at the camp site outside kiruna offered the feeling of being alone in the open wilderness. The only company were the  unlimited Stars. I remember sitting in the kitchen as i heard northern lights.. northern lights.. it was our caretaker at the Inn informing us.. The three nights that followed were just sparkling memories . The green pictures  which you see are static but the lights aren't. They can move faster than ur head can and also move in shapes which u cant follow. The last night in Abisko with -27degress, very vividly visible since my eyelids were frozen with ice. It didn't really matter because we saw the lights dance in various colours, speed and patterns.  The spirals , the console lights, the speed rays and so much more. I am eternally grateful to have witnessed this truly magnificent natures blessing.

Aurora Borealis truly amazing !!!

You maybe sick

 How do you handle or address pain? Mental pain? What do you do when something unacceptable happens? Do you always let it go since that is the only way out? Is the only way out the right way how do you know. I feel strangled and in pain. A very deep deep pain. It hurts bad and I feel I can't breathe. Do I want to breathe - yes because that is what I Owe to my parents. Maybe if I hav to breathe then I need to find a way to. This is not the correct one.  I need help seriously help.

The unforgettable bumpy ride

Smiles and pure happiness is what the memories of those blessed 9 months bring to me. I never thought that I will enjoy and cherish my pregnancy and child birth so much that only for this phase I will want another one. 

The small tummy twirls to the excitement of new life and the feeling of self less love which I never experienced before. The panic attacks and the feeling of total strenght and by the end all was a walk in the clouds. I am truly blessed to have such a perfect pregnancy as I know this was kinda unreal. I always wished to keep my baby in me till like ever but she had other plans. 

2013, too soon oder???

Now that I am using my tongue differently and English seems a distant old friend its surely gonna be a task to pen this up. Year 2013 eeeu sound so sick I think the number 13 doesnt really go well in my books and this year well???? Somehow when you grow up life does have new plans plotted.

Now since almost 6+years to this life has changed and also not at the same time. The heart and the feelings are the same but yes the scented candles are slowly being replaced with medicines on my Nachtkonsole.. So much around has happened but I still find myself at the same place. I can relate however a lot to my parents and their struggle. Life does turn full circles. I don't think anything written here will make sense and it should not even. Prost to this part of life.

Update on my travel list!

I am back here after 2 years and since I had an awesome 2018, I definitely should pin it down to my memory. Since I got a job in 2016 and eventually more money I did spend it on my favorite activity.

The Netherlands: the land with grey sky and feel. 
Amsterdam, Harlem, Lisse, Enschede, Renesse, Nijmegen and Giethoorn: Tulips and the color around, windmills, dutch pancakes, space cake, red light district, beach shack, and the fairy tale houses

Belgium: the land of beer, which I never believed till I tried some.
Dinant, Brussels, Antwerp, Bruges, Ghent and Namur: Beers and more beers, waffles, yucky chocolate, Atomium, Delirium, Saxophon, Breweries and Grand Centum

France: terrible traffic.
Paris : this list needs an update and hopefully soon. River cruise, sparkling eifel, macroons, sweets, Versailles

Luxembourg; too small to mention
Just an old town


Dubai, UAE: concrete jungle
Khalifa, sharks, the dessert safari and monsters trucks


Swiss again: Alps are always breathtaking
Interlaken, Blausee, Grindelwald, Lauterbrunnen, Engelberg: Chocolate Fondue, hike at harder klum, parents, Indian food buffet

Malta: is meer
Comino, Gozo, Valetta: hot, turquoise, yellow, jellyfish, cocktails and barren

Denmark: monarch, castles and royal feel
Copenhagen, Fredericksberg, Kronberg: Tivoli, castles and sea breeze, nyhavn colors, umbrella saga

USA: finally another continent
NYC, Washington, Miami, Florida Keys, Key West, Atlantic City, Niagara: food and indiannees, amazing Florida Sky, Miami Lights, Florida Storm, Cuban feel, Manhattan and its pride, WTC, cold Niagra region, gambling, fresh change

Germany:
Externstein, Bremen, Cuxhaven, North Sea, Schwetzingen, Burg Eltz, Bingen, Münster

This forgetfulness will not help me unless everything is notes
20 countries and counting

Travel

Being born in an Indian middle class family, I too dreamt going places and discovering the world. Its weird that every astrologer spoke about the fact that I shall be flying abroad more than often. I always wanted to make a To Travel list, however that gets only more and more complicated. So I decided to list down the places I did visit. 

• GREECE:Athens, Santorini, Heraklion, Chania
• CZECK REPUBLIC: Prague
• GERMANY: Berlin, Munich, Cologne, Frankfurt, Black forest, Dusseldorf
• AUSTRIA: Salzburg, Innsbruck, Vienna
•  ITALY: Rome, Pisa, Venice, Florence, Naples, Capri
• SWITZERLAND: Zurich, Interlaken, Schaffhausen
• HUNGARY: Budapest
• SPAIN: Barcelona, Granada, Seville, Madrid
• PORTUGAL: Lisbon
• FRANCE: Strasbourg
• CROATIA: Rovinj, Split, Bol, Dubrovinik, Plitvice
• SLOVENIA: Ljubljana

This is more or less Europe, I still have the rest of the world left.
Middle East: Jordan
Africa: Tanzania, South Africa, Egypt
South America: Brazil, Chile, Argentina, Peru
Caribbean Islands
USA: NYC, Las Vegas
Scandinavia: Sweden, Denmark and Northern Lights
Australia
Asia: Vietnam, Burma
EU: Paris, Amsterdam & Belgium

The phone call

When someone calls you up and talks about what you wrote here, you realise the power of this thing. Having a best friend always helps doesnt it. I tend to keep sailing against the winds, maybe I gain my share of joy with it. I am sure I have lots more to explore and lets begin today.

So now what do you say!

As life progresses it makes its self clearer. Now I understand the logic on why thers so much written and published about life in general and how to deal with it coz ya people and ya may be me need it. Its these middle years when you try to seek the meaning of your life when you kinda have everything else (or the hope) in place you just seek peace and happiness. But then when you know you have nothing close to any of these its just more n more painful. Its been years that I have just been cribbing and cribbing and somehow its become who I am .. I dont seem to accept that this is wht my life has given me and its on me to accept it as a gift. But then do I need it thats a different question.
Over the past years I knw I have changed as a person a little bit too much to even my liking. But its not a self decision rather a forced one and thats wht makes me even more  a rebel. This is just not who I am or what I want to be why doesnt anyone get it. Ya I had my shares of errors but then was it such a sin? I never thought I would be living in a cage but then its sadly true. I can just see sunshine through the window and then ya like a dog go out walking at times and thats about it. I somehow think about all the house pets and what they must feel like and I sadly label myself as one. I know how do I have the right to say this and this aint true oh no no open your eyes Mr. this is the truth. I am trying to get out and fly but then its a never ending hope. You and me both know the chances of it is just way too thin and then like any other pet I need to like my cage and be grateful to this life that I am having. None the least I do get access to food  (lol really) and I do get warmth and care and love (u must be kidding me).  I am not gona be a pet I am a human and not a animal. Life needs to stop treating me like one, coz I can call on to death and defeat it.

Confessions of a Bride to be!

Lazy afternoons spent doing nothing that too a week prior to your wedding,well would make sense if you are all set for the Big day.. but then when the guy is still not home yet, lest his ensembles and the bride has to put up atleast 10 things together this time surely is a luxury.

I remember the initial count 465 and the way it sounded never ending till like today when its barely 10, has the time flown by or what. Yes, I like every other girl had my dream wedding in mind right from the time I ever attended one and if this is turning into that one or no is too early to comment. The journey however was totally exhausting and yes very heavy on emotions which I wasnt prepared for. I mean getting married 3 times sounds weird enough also to add more zest its to the same guy that too in a period of 4 months, how ridiculous.

Every time questions prop up did u really want this? did u think it through well enough? till the end? why u fretting when you knew this was coming or did u not know it at all? I somehow knew the answer to it all and I knew I had to do this in a jiffy and in a way trick myself into this, lol 23 Aug and for me I fail to even recollect the date. Now that I think of it, I signed with no thought no nothing like I were signing a random paper no blushes no hopes no nothing and well I was maybe wrong. Not that I didnt love my guy enough but everything comes with its baggage and heavy weights are never welcome :P 

Something which I would regret is not enjoying my moments of joy I donno why did I turn so cynical about all and simply fail to rejoice. May be I do want more n yaa lot more. I didnt even realise when did I shop for my D day the moment was so so short lived, the other fact remains I did buy a whole lot of more clothes than I would ideally have but that doesnt bring the cheer either.What is it that is lacking?

I have sailed through so long for this turn of events and since 2009 when I did waanaa shape my life may be the prolonged time frame is the culprit. The uncertainty and the quest for more may be or may be not. One little screw up and thats the dampener all through. I used to think I would take super good care of self before my wedding, learn to cook a bit, think of making myself look the prettiest and now that all thats is in the trash all I can sport is not even a smile. 

Where are my emotions? why dont I feel joy enough or did I hide it? Thoughts on leaving home not having mum by my side, her eyes. Not having sand to annoy and have the love of and my pillar my dad, well it certainly is not a good move is it. But then ever awaiting eyes of my Husband with all false assurances does at times make me feel alright but yes it would take its time. Moving into some home where ppl are passive to you and all the change in the momentum is something which is inevitable and I do need to pull my socks and get going.

May be my goal is near, very near and I dont waanaa let go so soon

Aiso gaye pardesh piya tum!

Saawan beeto jaaye pi harwa...
Mann mera ghabraaye...
Aiso gaye pardesh piya tum...
Chain humein nahi aaaaaaaye...
Mora Saiyan Mose bole na…Moraaaa saiyan mose bole naaa
Main laakh jatan kar haaaaariii... main laakh jatan kar haar gayi
mora saiyan mose bole na... mora saiyan mose bole na...

Tu jo nahi toh aise piya hum...
Jaise suna aangana...
Nain tehaari raah nihaaren...
Nainan ko tarsaaaaaao na...
Mora Saiyan Mose bole na…Moraaaa saiyan mose bole naaa
Main laakh jatan kar haaaaariii... main laakh jatan kar haar gayi
moraaaa saiyan mose bole na... mora saiyan mose bole na...

Pyar tumhe kitna karte hain...
Tum ye samajh nahi paaoge...
Jab hum na honge toh pi harwa...
Bolo kya tab aaoge...??
Mora Saiyan Mose bole na…Moraaaa saiyan mose bole naaa
Main laakh jatan kar haaaaariii... main laakh jatan kar haar gayi
moraaaa saiyan mose bole na... mora saiyan mose bole na...
 
I was so addicted to it around 3 years back when it meant nothing but a soulful song.. Strange life and a weird DeJaVu! Cant be better suited to me at the moment... Accolades Fuzon!

Back to seek solace

I remember how this blogging episode started and the tremendous relief post the first one...
I am so damn stupid I so so know it now... U know you dont need it but u still got to got to do it... Maybe I do end up cribbin in and out and try to yell out here on this canvas... thats coz I wish no ears around and its so damn embarrassing too.
Hurt beyond repair this bloody life still repairs itself for what to get back to the same shit??? Where and how is the way out? You think you learn from past.. fine you do but why do u have same old issues and same old tears and same crushing words..
All say watch your steps.. what the fuck do I watch? That my steps are leading to fire? or the fact that every move is tainted and hidden daggers surface? Somehow its not sinking in, cant stomach what you see or hear around.. May be you just dont wana accept the fact that its not what you really wanted or hoped for , cant accept the fact that once the polish fades it gonaaa just hurt the eye....
Have absolutely no clue where is this gonaa end... it better be good at the other side of the world coz here it plainly suckss and theres simply no end to it.

Copied for the first time :)

From Amartya Sen's Blog:


The Govt. should change its emblem to a CONDOM because, it more accurately
reflects the government's political stance;.....
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks & gives you a sense of security while you are actually being screwed!!!!!

Deceptiveness!

Had just forgotten the reality , failed to digest the fact that you are born alone , you live alone and you die alone...
Its not necessary that all that you expect turns true and its so true only people who are close to you can hurt you, fine but then how much? Isnt there a limit to it? Its a pity when your mate fails to realise what you are going thru and even more dampening to know that all thats happening makes only a difference to you and ur partner doesnt even care a damn.
I knew love hurts and I knew i should not be involved but stupid crazy heart of urs doesnt just learn from mistakes. But almost nearing middle age arent you supposed to be matured enuf to manage your affairs better and learn to accept things, well you surely are and thats why u just think that atleast what you signed in for will stay coz thts wht commitment is, but then you wake up to a new world all together and your net worth is beyond negative how do you deal with all? Just learn to live through isnt it? Thats wht my moms generation did so will we be. I know hormones to go haywire and its way too too difficult to handle. I still cant digest why does it matter so damn much arent you well off without anything and isnt it high time to get out of your Fantasy, friction not really coz this seems unreal and not what had happened.
Cant help quoting someone: If you think Marriage is a solution to all your problems you are highly mistaken, I surely knew its not infact its a multiplier to your existing issues so then why get into it too? Coz you cant live alone and you need a mate and the saga goes on.
Somehow thought penning it down would help may be it wouldnt anymore coz its been a while and you really need sunlight

Mayan 2012 :)

Just dropped in to refresh past few years and realised I havent been around to update any :( and its almost 6 months dammit
We are into one of the most awaited year of my life.. May be the year which will add to list of yearly celebrations, the best way to put it may be :P. I remember blogging last year cribbing about 2010 and wishing 2011 be good financially and and rest all my moments of Highs :) I still live in same Illusions coz 2011 kindaa sucked. Looking at the brighter side bad habits got tabbed and may be my decision of Settling down soon received a thumps up rest nothing much...
I am yet to compile my wishlist and hand it over .. sure thats on the cards and also lot more..
Anyways Let the year of Marriages help me and everyone live their dreams!

So what All am I scared of???

Sudden drop in body temperature or for that matter experiencing sudden chill, sign of being scared, felt this after ages and man is it weakening. Wonder how can I show so much of consistency in my scores dont seem to budge beyond a point how can this be possible?? But yaa thats what the situation is leading me to

Feel of facing the entire lot of well wishers who have beared me along or helped me all this while, or looking into moms eyes someone who works all day long and I do nothing but sit and eat or the biggest critique me myself how would I look into the mirror? This is all so horrific :(

I took this up as an assignment and cant seem to handle this repeated failure.. I call for help serious help..

Rohan

1. Plays with his hair when on the phone
2. Cannot imagine his life without a scale and a pencil
3. Loves Mom ke haath ka Garam Masala
4. Can whistle only love songs
5. Is colorblind.
6. Is a Classical Eg of Patience is the key to virtue.
7. Thinks he is a great cook
8. Has to sing along every song he hears.
9. Loves to light crackers
10. Is a Dictionary devoid of NO.
11. Can study Wherever and Whenever.
12. Cannot Dance without counts.
13. Is humble.
14. Is a Conditional Vegetarian (Bull Shit)
15. Defines Europe as Amsterdam.
16. Wants to Own a Ferrari.
17. Is an Extra Good Friend.
18. Is Good at German.
19. Blinks his eye too much..
20. Gets Hungry at weird timings (lol)
21. Had the best Women Scanner.
22. Gets Tan in no time.
23. Is a good driver and Mechanic
24. Cannot hold Plastic Tea glasses without shivering
25. Is crazy about someone

Ek Duje ke waaste!

jab woh mujhe dekhta hai, toh mujhe lagta hai ki main khubsurat hun.
jab woh hasta hai, toh jee chahta hai naach uthhun.
jab woh ruuth jata hai, toh jee chahta hai ki usse baahon me le lun.

jab pyar karta hai to ankh bhar aati hai.
woh mujhe ehsas dilata hai, ki main uske liye bani hun aur woh mere liye.

Have had this in my dairy since 1997! so love these lines when they take shape.. may be I wana edit them a little...


jab woh mujhe dekhta hai, toh mujhe lagta hai ki main sabse khubsurat hun aur meri khubsurati aur bhi nikar jati hia, kyunki sabh usi ke lie toh bani hai!
jab woh hasta hai, toh jee chahta uski hasi me apni hasi ko mila du aur haste haste naach uthhun anth me peth pakad ke ro du!!
jab woh ruuth jata hai, toh jee chahta hai ki usse aur mai takleef du, itna ki uska naak lal ho jaye aur mai use baahon me le lun aur woh mujhme pigahl jayee.

jab pyar karta hai to waqt tham sa jata hai, sasen tej ho jati hai aur zindagi ko manzil ki umeed !
woh mujhe ehsas dilata hai, ki zindagi me jitne rang hai usse hum aur bhi rangeen bana sakte hai aur usse ji bhar ji sakte hai!!!


Gosh!!!